A Grief Observed

Twenty years ago today, we buried my mother, Susan Peperkorn, née Troy. She died on January 10, 2005. It was simultaneously sudden (likely brain aneurism) and expected (melanoma cancer). She was fifty-seven at the time and had been fighting cancer in various ways for at least ten years.

My family was in a very different place at that time. I was thirty-four, and we had two young girls while we lived in Kenosha, Wisconsin. None of my siblings were married yet, and my youngest sister was still in high school. It seems like a thousand years ago. But also just yesterday.

At this point, all of my siblings are married, and there are eleven grandchildren spread over four states. Our family continues to grow and be blessed.

This day twenty years ago was a turning point, though. It was a point when death became real in a way that hadn’t happened before. Grief became more visceral, more a part of me, and less what other people dealt with. I’ve never been an overly “emotive” person, but I am certainly much more so now than I was before.

Just as death became real, so, too, did resurrection and holy baptism. Through a series of events I won’t recount now, I ended up preaching for Mom’s funeral. The text was the Baptism of our Lord from St. Matthew, chapter three. In the center of that, too, is Paul’s wonderful words from Romans six:

“Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.
For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin. Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him. For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.”

Romans 6:3-11 ESV

My teacher and now colleague, Cameron MacKenzie, had a wonderful sermon baptism today in chapel. He reminded us that God and His gifts are for all nations, and that means everyone.

Baptism ties us to Jesus’ death AND resurrection. There is no resurrection without dying. My mother died in her baptism many years before. Her death and loss on this earth is not the death that matters. What matters is that she died in Christ, and because of that, she will rise again at the Last Day. That is where our hope lies.

Much love, Mom. We’ll see you soon.